2008 Football Offense: Volume 1

Just about everyone knows by now that Texas has a wonderful problem at the quarterback position. The Longhorns have three quarterbacks talented enough to start at any other school. Well, I've been thinking about it, and I think it's time to put the newly renovated experimental science building on the UT campus to good use. I've received enough emails from the faculty warning me to "not touch bats in boxes outside the Experimental Science Building" to know that they are clearly making mutant bat-people in there. Seriously, why else would you need so many bats on campus? Bat-people. Well instead of splicing humans and bats together why not just two humans? I bet all the parts fit together a lot better too. And what if those two humans just happen to be Colt McCoy and John Chiles? I'm just saying, it would be awesome. We can even give them (hims?) a jersey with the number 19 on it. Think about it: Colt is known for his exceptional ability to pass (during the National Championship practices, he played as Matt Leinart and reportedly did a pretty good job of it too) and John Chiles is an explosive runner in the open field. Assuming the perfect quarterback can do both (I'm not even going to say it), our two quarterbacks fall just short. Colt can hold his own on the ground, but he isn't quite freezing up defensives when he threatens to run. JC on the other hand, can and has completely freaked out defenses. The problem is, every defense the Longhorns face next year won't hesitate to put eight or nine big guys in the box every time they see number seven trot onto the field. JC completed a mere 1 of 9 passes last season on 46 total snaps, so most defenses aren't shaking in their boots when he drops back to pass. Ya, ya, I know JC was throwing almost exclusively to the second string receivers, but they weren't exactly all drops. Colt somewhat came into his own as a rusher towards the end of last season, with several 20+ yard scampers, including this sparkling run against Tech. 

Despite the highlight reel footage, Colt's success as a runner generally comes when he catches a defense off-guard and looking for the pass. The solution? Bat-people Clonerback.