Showing posts with label Jordan Shipley. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jordan Shipley. Show all posts

Monday, October 27, 2008

T5B5: We won?

It's pretty rare that you lose a game, but end up with the most amount of points. That's exactly how I felt leaving the stadium after the game. I completely understand what our Oklahoman brethren must have felt like at the end of the third quarter earlier this season against us. I can't even count the amount of times I said to myself "please, please, please just stay ahead for [insert any number under 45 here] more minutes." But still, even if it wasn't the definitive drubbing the Horns have laid on every school not from Oklahoma this year, the team still played well enough to end up ahead, and that is saying a lot considering the monster that this OSU team is turning out to be. I really don't see them losing more than one other game this season. To the lists!


Top Five
1. Oklahoma State's game plan: Mike Gundy and friends did an outstanding job studying and exploiting our weaknesses. When Mack Brown tried to temper the generally high expectations before the season began, he was expecting every game to look like this one and worse starting with Colorado. Yes we are good, but if you have the manlumps to continuously run it between our two best defensive players, you are going to find that right behind them is a soft spot in the linebacking corps that can be taken advantage of. Oklahoma State is, and has seemingly always been, the tepid tequila and milk to our blazing hangover induced nausea.
2. Curtis Brown: It's interesting looking back now at how terrified I was of all the big bad spread offenses the Big 12 totes at the beginning of the season, and how at this point I am more concerned about who will be able to slow us down on defense the most. We are currently fielding the best secondary in the country, they just don't have the stats to prove it yet. Curtis (second string sophomore) finalized that for me on Saturday by holding Dez Bryant to 74 yards.
3. The Defense: The way OSU played this game, it is a true accomplishment to keep them to only 24 points. Muschamp gambled and chose to limit their deep passing game, and it worked. It's good to know that our defense can win games too. Every time Earl/Ryan/anyone drops an interception, God creates a Sooner.
4. Cirque de Shipleil: Win or lose, there isn't a team remaining on our schedule that can stop Colt from throwing to Jordan Shipley. It's like cheating.
5. Tricksy Greg Davis: Regardless of what side of the perennial debate you sit on regarding trick plays, you have to agree that they are a lot of fun to watch. I appreciate the fact that the trick plays Greg Davis has installed in our offense are small deceptions designed to give those involved an extra step, rather than the silliness expected from, say, a Les Miles offense. The reverse to Shipley resulted in the longest run of the day, the fake screen to Shipley converted one of our most important third downs, the option reverse pass would have been cooler if Quan had been a little sneakier about his intentions to pass, and Colt's fake drop play action really got the defense over-excited.

Bottom Five
1. Iowa State: How dare you drop one to the Aggies? Read the emails I keep sending you, A&M is supposed to be the worst this year. The Big 12 North never plays along, how lame. The Aggies should be on this list too for giving up 35 points to the team that lost to the Aggies... circular logic fail? Whatever.
2. Clock management: What the heck happened at the end of the second quarter? Why did we wait until there were three seconds left on the clock to call a timeout and attempt to score from 70 yards out? In the time we ran off the clock we could have had two 15-20 yard plays that would have set us up for a field goal. Bizarre.
3. LSU: The wheels are falling off for the Bayou Tigers. It seems like the football Gods are having a fantastic time making every team that my coworkers root for irrelevant. At this point their only pleasure is watching Texas struggle.
4. Graham Harrell: Yes, he played a fantastic game, but from watching that game it became abundantly clear to me why Colt could lose to Tech and still win the Heisman. Harrell’s character is piss poor. Every time something doesn’t go right for the guy, he jumps up and runs straight at the nearest official with his arms raised in the air. When Colt takes a beating, even if it is a late hit, he jumps up with his arms in the air too, but he’s trying to get the crowd excited, not whine to the referees. Harrell’s a really gifted player, but guy would benefit from a few chores around the house.
5. Colorado: 58-0? Really? You couldn’t get into field goal range once? We kind of struggled against you, and then this happens? Maybe in a few years they will be decent and most importantly healthy again, but this season is not looking good for the Buffs at all. Not even a little bit.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Vote For Jordan

Jordan Shipley was nominated for the Pontiac Game Changing Performance of the Week. It is our duty as mindless consumer drones to visit the website and vote, and because he deserves it. 


*This message was brought to you by Tampax for Mature Plus-Sized Women. 

Monday, September 29, 2008

T5B5: This is your Dick on Drugs


This Texas team is slowly getting harder and harder to write anything negative about. Especially against a team as sucktacular as Arkansas. Did  some SEC official neglect to tell Casey Dick and the rest of Arkansas that SEC teams aren't supposed to gobble copious amounts of man-meat? 


Top Five
1. Colt "your Dick looks like a munch-kin" McCoy: Dude, you better not be setting me up for another heart smashing a la 2006. 
2. Jordan "your Dick went straight to DVD" Shipley: Please run faster. Seriously, being open by ONLY 5 yards is totally unacceptable. He reminds me of a glass Ferrari; he's fast as hell but I'm always worried he is going to break.
3. John "your Dick, a Fruit Roll-up" Gold: I just want you to know that you are living my freaking dream right now. I would kill a small infant dressed like a bunny to have the opportunity to be a college punter. Not a kicker, because then I might be called upon to win a close game, but a punter so that I can be a part of the team with minimal God-given athletic talent.
4. 25 "we got Dicks like Jesus" Defensive Players registered a stat in this game. Actual conversation with the poor guy sitting next to me at the game:

Him: Do you have any idea who Clark Ford is?
Me: *Hiccup* I don't give a shit about Arkansas players.
His small child: He's on the Longhorns, stupid.

Sorry Clark, I now know who you are, as well as about your three tackles and one QB hurry so far this season (in two games). 
5. 52-10 X 3. I truly believe that John Chiles has a crippling case of OCD that has caused him to purposely turn the ball over in each of the last two games in order to ensure that the final score ends up 52-10. I'm cool with it though, so please continue to do whatever it takes to keep that going for a while. 

Bottom Five
1. Arkansas: Danger. After four poor performances in a row you are no longer having bad games, but are actually a bad team. Better luck next year. Unfortunately for us, we are going to have to wait another week to learn anything about our beloved team. 11 rushing yards? Really? How is Rice the best team we have played so far.
2. UNT: Based on the football transitive property I just made up, Colt and the Sunshine Band would beat this team by 99 points. The Nerd Herd beat the Mean Green 77-20, scoring 56 points before half time. I feel like the U.N. should have intervened at some point. 
3. Texas A&M: I have a lot of  hurt pent up inside of me from the two consecutive loses to the Aggies that I am ready to release in the form of a club upon their baby-seal-heads. My theory is that the reason A&M is blundering their way towards a very painful season is that Mike Sherman knows that his only chance to stick around as head coach is to beat Texas; spending every single practice preparing to play us.
4. Army: You couldn't even beat the worst A&M team I have ever seen. You represent the entire U.S. military, how are you not better?!
5. The Big XII North: Way to have only one undefeated team. And two more total loses than the Big XII South. And you only have one quarterback in the top five Heisman hopefuls, suckas.


Monday, September 22, 2008

Top Five Bottom Five: Week 4



Top Five
1. Colt "Tebow is fat" McCoy: Are you freaking kidding me? Where the capital F were you last season? If Colt and his protectorate can play half this well against teams that have the ability to knock him around a little bit, come January we might be asking ourselves if he'll be around in '09. 
2. Jordan "glass corvette" Shipley: Sneakiest human alive. Without doing any research, I know that he is the only player in the NCAA right now to have a touchdown off a trick play in 66% of the games this season. Before Colt even threw the ball off of the sneaktacular flea flicker, there was a moment of silence before the eruption of excitement in the stadium when everyone realized how outrageously open Shipley was. He said after the game "I probably have never been that open in my life." Do it again. All the time.
3. Cody "mopped up yo mama last night" Johnson: Mop up duty be damned, Cody is suddenly our most productive running back. At 4.5 yards per carry, he is doing precisely what we need him to right now. Much attention is being given to Fozzy at the moment, and I also am very excited to see what may come for him, but I would be perfectly sated with letting big Cody loose a couple more snaps per game. 
4. Brian "I'm in your backfield, eating your QB" Orakpo: Okay, so you started a little late, but that works for me because I barely knew where I was for most of the first half anyway. Regardless of who it was against, two sacks for a loss of 29 yards is nothing to scoff at. 
5. Punting: 0/0. 

Honorable mention: Sergio Kindle and Blake Gideon for looking like they own the defense. When has a freshman player even been allowed to start, let alone move senior players around on the field. 

Bottom Five
1. Dan  Buckner: Where you at? Either Dan was secretly injured, or he is still in the dog house for getting bumped off his route against UTEP. When Mack said "we can't use you" if you can't hold blocks and get bumped off routes, I guess he meant it. 
2. Middle LB: Based on the stat sheet, I feel another LB controversy stirring here. Bobino got the start and produced very little, while Norton sat out the first series and had a much better day. The unfortunate truth is that I wasn't extremely impressed by either player. Both over-pursued on play actions, missed assignments in the zone, and took poor angles against slower runners. Time to put all that athleticism to use and bring some pain.
3. Blaine Irby: Very tough to watch this injury, and even tougher to deal with for the offense. The only upside I see is that he will probably get a medical redshirt and be with us for three more seasons. Just a terrible thing to happen to a great player.
4. Henry Melton: You are listed as our power defensive end, do some powerful stuff. As one of the leaders of our ridiculous wealth of defensive ends, he should be the proud owner of a ridiculous stat line. He only played poorly compared to what is expected of him. 
5. Punt Blocks: 0. I'll admit that it is silly to expect a block every week, but it's their fault for giving me a taste.


Tuesday, April 1, 2008