The Vondrellphant in the Room

Watch out Mack, your couch and wallpaper don't match at all!*

We've got ourselves a mighty pachyderm sitting on the couch in the parlor and it might be time to talk about it. What the heck is going on with last season's favorite backup running back, sophomore Vondrell McGee? What happened to 8 TD's and 4.0 yards/carry? What happened to all the fans calling for McGee to replace the then fumble-prone Jamaal Charles? Where is that 28 yard scamper against ASU in the Holiday Bowl behind a freshman heavy o-line? Why are you getting less and less carries every game when it seems like everyone else is getting more and more?

Possible solutions:

• Only one #2 can be good at any point. Since Sergio Kindle is going nutz this year, Vondrell's powers have been weakened.
  
• Maybe he is suffering from a brutal sophomore slump. Basing that theory on what happened to Colt last season, Vondrell should be leading the Heisman race at this point next year.
• Vondrell is an incredibly generous person, and is allowing Chris Ogbonnaya some time in the limelight before he graduates. If that is the case, I support your sentiment Vondrell!
• John Chiles is making Vondrell McGee curious. These two were quite a team last year, and really fun to watch together in the backfield. As John Chiles turns more and more bi-position-curious, maybe Vondrell is considering a similar path. Remember Vondrell, no matter how fun rolling around on the ground and weeping looked when the OU punter did it, you pull way more girls as a running back. Did that sound gay? Whatever.
  
• Perhaps Vondrell works better under pressure. It may be possible that Vondrell actually rather liked running for his life behind an inexperienced o-line last season, and just doesn't feel challenged enough running behind an o-line that blocks fairly well.

Buck up Vondrell, Google knows who you are and that's way more than most of us can say.

*OT: This is actually an image from an art gallery by one of my favorite artists ever, Banksy.

T5B5: This is your Dick on Drugs

This Texas team is slowly getting harder and harder to write anything negative about. Especially against a team as sucktacular as Arkansas. Did  some SEC official neglect to tell Casey Dick and the rest of Arkansas that SEC teams aren't supposed to gobble copious amounts of man-meat? 

Top Five

1. Colt "your Dick looks like a munch-kin" McCoy: Dude, you better not be setting me up for another heart smashing a la 2006. 

2. Jordan "your Dick went straight to DVD" Shipley: Please run faster. Seriously, being open by ONLY 5 yards is totally unacceptable. He reminds me of a glass Ferrari; he's fast as hell but I'm always worried he is going to break.

3. John "your Dick, a Fruit Roll-up" Gold: I just want you to know that you are living my freaking dream right now. I would kill a small infant dressed like a bunny to have the opportunity to be a college punter. Not a kicker, because then I might be called upon to win a close game, but a punter so that I can be a part of the team with minimal God-given athletic talent.

4. 25 "we got Dicks like Jesus" Defensive Players registered a stat in this game. Actual conversation with the poor guy sitting next to me at the game:

Him: Do you have any idea who Clark Ford is?

Me: *Hiccup* I don't give a shit about Arkansas players.

His small child: He's on the Longhorns, stupid.

Sorry Clark, I now know who you are, as well as about your three tackles and one QB hurry so far this season (in two games). 

5. 52-10 X 3. I truly believe that John Chiles has a crippling case of OCD that has caused him to purposely turn the ball over in each of the last two games in order to ensure that the final score ends up 52-10. I'm cool with it though, so please continue to do whatever it takes to keep that going for a while. 

Bottom Five

1. Arkansas: Danger. After four poor performances in a row you are no longer having bad games, but are actually a bad team. Better luck next year. Unfortunately for us, we are going to have to wait another week to learn anything about our beloved team. 11 rushing yards? Really? How is Rice the best team we have played so far.

2. UNT: Based on the football transitive property I just made up, Colt and the Sunshine Band would beat this team by 99 points. The Nerd Herd beat the Mean Green 77-20, scoring 56 points before half time. I feel like the U.N. should have intervened at some point. 

3. Texas A&M: I have a lot of  hurt pent up inside of me from the two consecutive loses to the Aggies that I am ready to release in the form of a club upon their baby-seal-heads. My theory is that the reason A&M is blundering their way towards a very painful season is that Mike Sherman knows that his only chance to stick around as head coach is to beat Texas; spending every single practice preparing to play us.

4. Army: You couldn't even beat the worst A&M team I have ever seen. You represent the entire U.S. military, how are you not better?!

5. The Big XII North: Way to have only one undefeated team. And two more total loses than the Big XII South. And you only have one quarterback in the top five Heisman hopefuls, suckas.

The Second Coming of JC

Hooray John Chiles! This weekend's game marks a full year as an active college football player for the sophomore, and his second time facing rice. He ran nine times for 72 yards in his debut game, averaging 8 ypc over two drives. So far this season he has only carried the ball six times for eight yards, averaging 1.3 ypc. It is no secret that the Horns' running backs have been underwhelming so far this season, rushing well under the season goal of 200 yards per game. Not including Colt's 111 total yards on the ground, the Horns have only accounted for 243 yards total yards over two games. It isn't even that the focus has been on passing the ball either; 48% of the plays called this season have been runs by players not called Colt McCoy. 

The Point:

This is the perfect game to unleash John Chiles. Perfect strategy: tell RoboColt he has just the first quarter to amass his Heisman hopeful-esque stats (the positive side effect being a quick start that's been missing), and then let John Chiles and Sherrod Harris finish the game. Rice was gashed for 273 yards on the ground last week against Vanderbilt, so it goes without saying that we need every guy that can run on the field early and often. 

OT: Cody Hawkins throws one up deep for Colorado's first touchdown, I hope you are watching this game Earl Thomas and Blake Gideon.

Top Five Bottom Five: Week 2

Top Five

1. Defense is multiple: I'm talking about how impressed I was with the adjustments made by the defense as the game went on. The true credit probably belongs with DollaWill, but the defensive players executed the second half shutout. After all, we've now had two score-free second halves in a row, our last before that being against Iowa State last season. 

2. Kick Blocks: Watching the game, I assumed both of these were just bad kicks. Duane Akina, welcome back and never leave us (in your current position). It is unbelievable that we did not block a single kick last season. What is even more unbelievable is that all three punts blocked so far were by freshman. 

3. Ryan Palmer: Last week he sat squarely in my bottom five, but after a full game of much improved pass coverage I think he deserves redemption. No interceptions on the stat sheet this week, but he was able to get his hands on an errant pass. Ryan Palmer played the kind of smart defense that makes you think he actually knows the offense's routes. Great senior leadership, I hope he can keep pushing the defense.

4. Fr Wr? Dan Buckner, Malcolm Williams, and Brandon Collins all caught passes this weekend, and are all brand sparkling new. How much credit goes to the receivers and how much goes to Colt for dealing the passes is up for discussion, but no one can argue that these rookies will be incredibly good for us. Dan Buckner is a beast that needs to be unleashed downfield. Maybe one of my new favorite players. 

5. Colt: Had another incredible game, but he loses his number one spot because he didn't play up to the standard he can. Even on his off day, he played at a level equaled only by the top rung of quarterbacks this season. If he can play even close to this level when the real pressure starts to mount, he will be a Heisman finalist, write it down. 5th place and a vote of confidence for the Heisman, not too bad.

Bottom Five

1. Q stands for... Quailman? The only reasonable excuse I can think for the neglect of the Q package is that the offense had to get familiar with running their base plays against UTEP's 3-3-5. Sure we used John Chiles as a receiver maybe a few times and as mop up when the game was done for, but that just isn't enough I say. The only apology I will accept, GD Greg Davis, is if you generously treat us to double barrel shotgun mayhem on 9/13/08. 

2. Turnovers in the secondary: There weren't any. Ryan Palmer should have had his second of the season, but the Righteous Eye disagreed. Do we need to start our taller cornerbacks? Do we need to pressure quarterbacks more? This may be a lot to ask of our young secondary, but they are our starters now and they have the talent to get a few more turnovers.

3. Earl Thomas: In order for Thomas to avoid being the punch line of many Big 12 quarterback jokes he needs to have an outstanding game next week. Like two turnovers and 16 tackles. With the rest of the secondary playing far better than expected by anyone, even having a "regular" day will put you in the cross-hairs of our conference's enterprising quarterbacks. From everything I heard this summer, if anyone has sufficient drive to be get to the next level, it is Earl Thomas. 

4. Pressure: Specifically, Colt under pressure. Even though his lone interception of the season is being directly blamed on Dan Buckner, Colt can still improve under pressure. He has played as well as anybody, but I still saw flashes of 2007 Colt. UTEP or not, this defense applied greater pressure than expected, but not the kind of pressure the Horns will face over the next few months. His ability to throw intelligently and accurately will be key when the meat of our schedule roles around. 

5. Lamarr Houston: I would like to think of this as a compliment, but Lamarr Houston makes all the difference for the defensive line. Roy Miller and Lamarr Houston's  health should be on top of every coach's list. Our defensive strength lies in our fast DE's, and if our opponents can double or triple team them we will not consistently succeed. I truly approve of how Houston handled the situation, and can't wait to see him crush the piggies. 

If that doesn't do anything for you, you aren't doing it right.

Daily Whisper: Super Colt

The AAS has an interesting article up focusing on the leaders of the offense and defense, and the team's outlook going into the season. What really caught my attention the most was that the coaches have changed their tune a little bit from last season going into the Holiday Bowl. At the end of last season, absolutely everyone's position was up for grabs, but this season there are a few players who's spots are safe for stability's sake. The article specifically mentions Colt, but implies that the same probably applies to Roy Miller. The question I have is whether Colt is really that good that he doesn't need to feel pushed by the backups? Also what does this do for John Chiles and Sherrod Harris, knowing that they pretty much don't have a shot at it until Colt is gone?

I'm so excited, I'm so scared.

I realized recently how unusually excited ecstatic I am about the upcoming season, so I decided that in order to remain reasonably balanced I would force myself to write a post from a positive standpoint and a post from a very negative standpoint. This one, obviously, is from a positive standpoint, but the negative version can be found here.

It's official, the off season is over. Sure the first game is still a few days away, but at this point the focus has shifted from the season to a game. The time has come to start getting in the orange-bleeding-fan mindset, and what better way to do that than write lots of nice things about the team.

1. It's better to keep John Chiles off the field for now, we have plenty of distractions as it is. 

No. Wrong. The Double-barreled shotgun is far more than a distraction. My biggest fear this season is that the first time it is used, it doesn't work spectacularly and is summarily discarded. John Chiles is one of the best athletes on the squad, and a playmaker to boot, so there is no acceptable reason to not get him involved somehow. In my opinion, even making him a WR is a waste. Due to his level of physical ability, coupled with the fact that he is a quarterback, John Chiles is a mismatch regardless of who the opponent is. And mismatches are good. 

2. Sergio Kindle won't really make a difference. 

Having big #2 rumbling around the backfield, murdering anyone who dares touch the ball is going to be a pleasure heartily shared by every fan in burnt orange (so long as he stays healthy) (knock on wood). Even if he doesn't get to the guy with the ball every time, teams are going to have to put more than one blocker on him to keep him away. The more blockers he can attract, the less eligible receivers the young secondary has to concern itself with. Not to mention the fact that the opposing quarterbacks will be so busy trying not to defecate while Kindle chases them around, attempting to stuff them into his Magic Bullet Blender of Pain, they won't even notice our safeties trying to figure out which one of them is actually starting.

3. Every team will most likely throw 800+ yards against us because we don't have any safeties. 

We seem to be in almost the exact opposite situation as we were in last year as far as the defense goes. Last year, our premier (starting) defensive player was a safety and every other position looked uncertain. This year the rest of our defense looks solid, but all of our safeties are fresh out of the womb. There will be mistakes made by the young safeties, but a strong supporting staff will minimize their occurrence and gravity. The high level play of the linebackers this season should allow the safeties to focus most of their attention on pass defense, further minimizing their oversights. 

GD GD

Naturally, I am poop-in-my-pants excited about all the rhetoric coming out the program right now concerning the new attitudes, players, and coaches employed (that would be literal if we were dirt burglars, see: Bomar, Rhett) by this season's version of our football team. The one little detail that is really making me lose my bananas is Greg Davis's new toy. 

I am talking about the new double QB super-turbo-destruction backfield. When I wrote the following article on March 1st, I kind of intended it to be like when you create a perfect replica of Vince Young in NCAA on your Playstation, then recruit 22 copies of him to your team and have him play all the positions on your offense and defense, winning every game by 212 points because you score on every single play, regardless of who has possession. That is the mindset I was in when I wrote that I thought it would be neato if we played more than one QB. 

Mr. Davis, if you read my blog (and I think you do because you, like, totally stole my make-believe offense consisting of two plays), I'm sorry if I've ever complained about your play calling. I don't know who put you up to it, but I think the new double QB thing is awesome. 

Originally posted  on March 1st:

2008 Football Offense: Volume 2

So I contacted the ESB and apparently they are all booked up making bat-people. Oh well, their loss. With that idea no longer viable, I believe there are essentially two ways to best utilize the Longhorns' depth at quarterback.

Sharing is fun

Sticking with only Colt until he graduates is a waste of talent, clear and simple. During the Holiday Bowl, Greg Davis wisely opted to divide play-calling duties two-to-one between Colt and Chiles. This is a strong strategy that is sure to give many a Big 12 defensive coordinator nightmares should it continue to be employed. Attempting to teach their defenses to stop two very different and talented quarterbacks is no easy feat, even for a talented coordinator (ask Florida if it works). 

Let's get freaky

Certainly the least likely, but by far the most exciting option is to employ a few exotic playbooks, the likes of which could transform Greg Davis' wikipedia resume into one similar to Bill Belichick's. Unlikely because creating and teaching a few new playbooks is hard and time consuming, time which could be spent perfecting strategies already familiar to the offense. It's a gamble that could have disastrous results in terms of the execution of other playbooks in Greg Davis' arsenal, but without great risk there is no great reward. Maybe he could scrap the bubble screen, just saying (begging). 

Ideating

So what would these new plays look like? If it were me, I would employ all three quarterbacks at the same time as much as possible. Last season, Chiles saw the majority of the non-Colt snaps, but based on my observations at the Spring game this was more a result of Sherrod Harris getting hurt, and not so much Chiles being the better quarterback. Actually, I found the two to be very similar from a pure athleticism standpoint, but Harris had a slight edge when it came to passing the ball. The benefit of using all three of the quarterbacks is that it puts more offensive play-makers on the field at once, and thus forces the defense to make more choices. For my first playbook, I'd use two wideouts and a slot receiver. I would use Colt out of the shotgun as my "primary" quarterback, meaning he'd do the cadence, the audibles, and actually take the snap. Rather than simply line Harris and Chiles up as receivers, I'd line them up on either side of Colt as if they were flanking running backs.  Nothing special in the way the backfield is set up, other than there being three players back who can all throw on top of being able to make plays on the ground. From this set up there are plenty of ways an offensive coordinator worth his six-figure salary could devise to really make life hard for the opposing defense. Teams that use this type of configuration with running backs rather than quarterbacks generally run the ball to the outside of the line using any of the three players lined up in the backfield. For a defense, this strategy is only a little more difficult to defend than any other standard running play. Throw in two running backs who can also throw the ball down-field, and you get a much harder to defend play.  The two examples below show the different directions in which the play could be ran, as well as the passing opportunities available to each passer. What the examples below do not show are the choices the corners and the linebackers are having to make. They must choose whether to pursue the quarterbacks or the receivers. In the cases below, I opted to show the defenders mainly pursuing the quarterbacks, as most defense would interpret this play as a running play. This leaves most of the receivers in single coverage and in a position to make a play. If the defense got wise and pursued the receivers, the quarterbacks are still physically equipped to run the ball upfield and get a decent gain. With that, I present to you a page of my first new playbook. Another added sweetness factor is that the quarterbacks run a pattern that looks like a longhorn.

2008 Football Offense: Volume 2

So I contacted the ESB and apparently they are all booked up making bat-people. Oh well, their loss. With that idea no longer viable, I believe there are essentially two ways to best utilize the Longhorns' depth at quarterback.

Sharing is fun

Sticking with only Colt until he graduates is a waste of talent, clear and simple. During the Holiday Bowl, Greg Davis wisely opted to divide play-calling duties two-to-one between Colt and Chiles. This is a strong strategy that is sure to give many a Big 12 defensive coordinator nightmares should it continue to be employed. Attempting to teach their defenses to stop two very different and talented quarterbacks is no easy feat, even for a talented coordinator (ask Florida if it works). 

Let's get freaky

Certainly the least likely, but by far the most exciting option is to employ a few exotic playbooks, the likes of which could transform Greg Davis' wikipedia resume into one similar to Bill Belichick's. Unlikely because creating and teaching a few new playbooks is hard and time consuming, time which could be spent perfecting strategies already familiar to the offense. It's a gamble that could have disastrous results in terms of the execution of other playbooks in Greg Davis' arsenal, but without great risk there is no great reward. Maybe he could scrap the bubble screen, just saying (begging). 

Ideating

So what would these new plays look like? If it were me, I would employ all three quarterbacks at the same time as much as possible. Last season, Chiles saw the majority of the non-Colt snaps, but based on my observations at the Spring game this was more a result of Sherrod Harris getting hurt, and not so much Chiles being the better quarterback. Actually, I found the two to be very similar from a pure athleticism standpoint, but Harris had a slight edge when it came to passing the ball. The benefit of using all three of the quarterbacks is that it puts more offensive play-makers on the field at once, and thus forces the defense to make more choices. For my first playbook, I'd use two wideouts and a slot receiver. I would use Colt out of the shotgun as my "primary" quarterback, meaning he'd do the cadence, the audibles, and actually take the snap. Rather than simply line Harris and Chiles up as receivers, I'd line them up on either side of Colt as if they were flanking running backs.  Nothing special in the way the backfield is set up, other than there being three players back who can all throw on top of being able to make plays on the ground. From this set up there are plenty of ways an offensive coordinator worth his six-figure salary could devise to really make life hard for the opposing defense. Teams that use this type of configuration with running backs rather than quarterbacks generally run the ball to the outside of the line using any of the three players lined up in the backfield. For a defense, this strategy is only a little more difficult to defend than any other standard running play. Throw in two running backs who can also throw the ball down-field, and you get a much harder to defend play.  The two examples below show the different directions in which the play could be ran, as well as the passing opportunities available to each passer. What the examples below do not show are the choices the corners and the linebackers are having to make. They must choose whether to pursue the quarterbacks or the receivers. In the cases below, I opted to show the defenders mainly pursuing the quarterbacks, as most defense would interpret this play as a running play. This leaves most of the receivers in single coverage and in a position to make a play. If the defense got wise and pursued the receivers, the quarterbacks are still physically equipped to run the ball upfield and get a decent gain. With that, I present to you a page of my first new playbook. Another added sweetness factor is that the quarterbacks run a pattern that looks like a longhorn.